Member-only story
Communication | Distance | Degeneracy
Checking your email…
This has gone on too long, I’m sorry.
Hello.
I wonder if you’ve even been checking your email?
I read the last one you sent everyday, the one you sent eighteen days ago. The last word I’ve heard from you. The email that really made me feel like we were going to make it. That despite the challenges in both of our lives, that we would find a way to be together.
I have to admit I started making plans. Could I pick up and move, relocate to be closer to you. If we were in at least the same state, could we see if this spark between us would alight into flame.
I can overthink things pretty easily. I know this about myself, and I’m sorry. I got used to communicating with you regularly. Our chats sparked so many fantasies in my mind, and I know that your fantasies about me were in the same vein.
Maybe I allowed myself to be catfished. Maybe you’re getting these and laughing at me. Maybe something terrible has happened. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I’ve never been ghosted before. I’d always said goodbye, or acknowledge that a relationship has ended. I will continue to do that, I think. Because this feels terrible. The uncertainty it wears on me.
It’s gotten better. It’s not as raw as it was the first week. When I logged into our chat, and waited. Four hours I waited. I didn’t pine, I know you get busy. We both do, but I thought at least you’d log on to say hello.
I’m sorry, again, for the tone in that first email I sent. I was hurt and angry. I didn’t mean any of it, I promise.
